Are You Raising a Potato? (6 Signs Your Dog is 100% Frenchie)

Hi, I’m Sophie. Founder of The Frenchie Vault and personal assistant to Barnaby (my 28lb cream Frenchie who is currently asleep on my foot).

If you’re reading this, you probably suspect that the "dog" you bought is actually just a sentient sack of potatoes with bat ears. You are likely correct.

Here are the 6 scientific indicators that you are, in fact, raising a member of the potato illuminati.

1. The "Frog Leg" Sploot 🐸

Normal dogs sit. Frenchies defrost.

You know the look: back legs kicked out straight behind them, belly fully pressed to the cold tile. It’s aerodynamic. It’s elegant. It’s deeply weird. We call this the "Sploot," and it is the primary resting state of the North American House Potato.

2. The Sound Effects (Gremlin Noises) 🐷

I haven’t heard silence in 4 years.

Between the snoring (which sounds like a lawnmower starting in a tin can), the reverse sneezing, and the "whale noises" they make when they want a treat... it’s a symphony.

If your dog sounds more like a piglet fighting a vacuum cleaner than a canine, you have a Frenchie.

3. The "Stoppy" Walk 🛑

You know exactly what I mean.

You’re walking. It’s a nice day. Suddenly, the leash goes tight. You look back.

Your dog has activated "The Anchor."

They aren’t tired. They aren't hurt. They have simply decided that this specific patch of concrete is where they live now. You now have two choices: carry the potato, or live there too.

4. Chemical Warfare (The Gas) 💨

I love Barnaby more than life itself, but that dog could clear a room faster than a SWAT team.

It’s silent. It’s deadly. And they will always look at you like you did it.

(Pro tip: If you don’t have an Air Purifier (Levoit) yet, or a supply of Digestive Chews, stop reading this and go buy them. You’re welcome).

5. The "Judgemental" Stare 👀

Golden Retrievers look at you with love. Frenchies look at you with disappointment.

Whether it’s because you didn’t share your cheese (The Cheese Tax is real), or because you dared to move while they were sleeping on you... the side-eye is lethal. They are small, but their judgement is mighty.

6. You Have 8,000 Photos of Them Sleeping 📸

Check your camera roll right now.

Is it 90% photos of a squishy face smashed into a blanket? Do you show these photos to strangers at parties?

"Look at his rolls! Look at his little lip!"

(Side note: They sleep 18 hours a day. Get them a good Orthopedic Bed so they don't steal yours).

Yeah. You’re in deep.

Welcome to the Club.

Raising a potato isn’t for the weak. It requires a high tolerance for snoring, a strong nose, and an obsession with things that are wide and stubborn.

But let’s be honest... we wouldn’t trade these little gremlins for anything.

That’s why I started The Frenchie Vault. No more choking collars or "medium" harnesses that don't fit the neck.