If you are new to French Bulldogs, there is a phenomenon you need to prepare for. It happens without warning. One minute, your dog is snoring on the rug. The next minute, their ears go back, their butt tucks under, and they transform into a kinetic missile ricocheting off your furniture.
This is the Zoomie.
The Science: FRAPs
Veterinarians call this a "Frenetic Random Activity Period" (FRAP). It is a sudden release of pent-up energy. For Frenchies, who spend 90% of their day being a potato, this energy accumulates like pressure in a soda bottle. Eventually, the cap blows off.
Common triggers include:
- Post-Poop Euphoria: Nothing feels better than being 0.5 lbs lighter.
- The Bath: Being wet is unacceptable. They must run at Mach 3 to dry off.
- 8:00 PM: Nobody knows why. But at 8 PM, chaos reigns.
The Danger Zone
While hilarious, Frenchie Zoomies are dangerous for one specific reason: They have terrible handling. A Frenchie is built like a brick. They do not turn well. They drift.
During a Zoomie, they have zero self-preservation instinct. They will run head-first into a doorframe. They will try to jump off the back of the sofa (a "Sofa Summit" disaster waiting to happen). Your job is not to stop them—you can't—but to be the referee.
Survival Protocol
- Clear the Runway: Move coffee tables, vases, and small children out of the path.
- Protect the Knees: Do not stand with your knees locked. A 25lb bowling ball hitting your shin at full speed will take you down.
- No High Jumps: If they get on the bed or sofa, blockade the edge. Frenchie spines (IVDD risk) and knees (Luxating Patella) are not built for parkour.
The best part? It lasts exactly 45 seconds. Then, as quickly as it started, the battery dies. They will collapse, panting, and fall asleep instantly. It is the purest form of joy existence.
Stay weird,
- Sophie 🐾
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