The Great Frenchie Bath Battle: How to Subdue a Wet Potato (and Get Your Deposit Back)

December 22, 2025

The Great Frenchie Bath Battle: How to Subdue a Wet Potato (and Get Your Deposit Back)

Alright, fellow Frenchie parents, let's talk about it. That moment when you realize your adorable, snorty companion has reached a level of… fragrance that could clear a room faster than a fire alarm. It's bath time. And if your Frenchie is anything like my Barnaby, bath time isn't just a chore; it's a full-contact wrestling match, a sudsy exorcism, and a chaotic ballet of splashing and indignant grumbles. This isn't just about cleanliness; it's about survival. And frankly, keeping my apartment deposit intact from the post-bath zoomie mud-prints.

Barnaby, my sweet, chunky potato, transforms into a wriggling, defiant gremlin the moment the faucet starts running. His eyes, usually full of innocent mischief, turn into tiny, panicked saucers. So, after years of trial, error, and buying way too many towels, I've developed a foolproof (mostly) strategy for navigating "The Great Frenchie Bath Battle."

Phase 1: The Art of Pre-Bath Distraction (and Supply Stockpiling)

The key to any successful military operation is preparation, and bath time is no different. You cannot, I repeat, cannot let them see it coming. Gather your supplies in absolute secrecy. Treats? Check. A good Oatmeal Dog Shampoo for sensitive skin? Essential. Multiple towels? Oh, darling, you'll need them. I also find a Dog Lick Mat smeared with peanut butter to be a divine intervention, sticking right to the shower wall. It buys you precious minutes of blissful, slobbery compliance. And if Barnaby has been extra "sheddy," I give him a quick pre-bath brush-down with a Deshedding Grooming Tool to minimize the hair-clogged drain drama.

Phase 2: Entering the Thunderdome – The Main Event

This is it. The moment of truth. Lure your Frenchie into the bathroom with promises of treats, belly rubs, or the sheer force of your will. Once they're in the tub, there's no turning back. Start with lukewarm water – too cold, and you'll have a shivering, resentful potato; too hot, and, well, you're just a monster. Barnaby usually tries to brace all four legs against the tub, giving me "the look" that says, "I cannot believe you're doing this to me." Work quickly. Lather up that shampoo, making sure to avoid their eyes and, crucially, those adorable, bat-like ears. A quick wipe down of the ear folds with a damp cloth or a specific ear cleaner is usually enough – Frenchies aren't known for loving deep ear irrigation. Rinse thoroughly, because nothing leads to itchy skin faster than leftover shampoo. Pro tip: Talk to them constantly in a soothing, slightly-too-high-pitched voice. It probably doesn't help them, but it definitely helps me cope.

Phase 3: The Aftermath – Wet Zoomies & Deposit Security

You've done it. You've rinsed the last suds from your squeaky-clean, thoroughly bewildered gremlin. Now comes the second part of the battle: the drying. My strategy involves wrapping Barnaby immediately in the largest, fluffiest towel I own, resembling a slightly damp, struggling burrito. Attempt to rub him dry, knowing full well it's futile. Because the moment his paws hit the floor, the Bath Zoomies commence. He'll careen around the apartment, rubbing himself against every piece of furniture, every rug, and suspiciously, every clean white wall. This is where your pre-emptive towel placement and quick reflexes come into play. Your goal here isn't perfect dryness; it's containment. Keep him away from dirt, dust bunnies, and anything that could negate your Herculean efforts. Remember, a clean Frenchie means a happy landlord (and a recovered deposit).

And there you have it. You've wrestled a wet potato, survived the gremlin transformation, and emerged victorious. Your Frenchie might be giving you the cold shoulder for the next hour, but beneath that dramatic pout, they’re softer, smell sweeter, and are ultimately, still your beloved, chaotic companion. Now, if you'll excuse me, Barnaby is giving me the "feed me now" stare, undoubtedly expecting extra treats for his "trauma." A girl's gotta negotiate, right?